first day of the end of my life

There's been so many times I thought my life was over. That I should just kill myself now and not live thru these unbearable feelings. Soo many times.
I just went thru this month. Yay me.
I forget the point of this little thought... I had a point when i first thought about it but now i totally forget.... huummm
OH!
I realize that killing myself means i would miss many good times but sometimes i think i wouldnt mind it. Maybe i'm just depressed.
I'm not sure if i want to be here or not.

Thats not said as well as how i originally thought it. FUCK!

kay now im tipsy
lolzzzzz
haha
i have a love hate relationship with alcohol.
i did coke today. all it did was make my mouth go dumb (we rubbed it on our gums)

typing out blogs is like hardcore talking to yourself or thats how it feels to me.
i talk to myself alot
;]
hahahah
i just chucked a smirnoff out into the forest type thing. i drank that shit really fast. ew dont wanna think about it.
My cat is retaded, its so cute. =]

okay what a pointless blog haaaaaaa. im a happy drunk, yeee know?

i'm afraid to post this shit on myspace because everyone thinks its for like.. attention or something probably... i dont fuckin know.
but yeah
or they think im a lil emo bitch which i guess i am but fuck it.
i dont care.
if you dont want to hear me whine, dont read this shit then. kay? kay!


everything is very bothersome to me right now. everyone.
fashion, photography (a lil), people, drugs, feelings, etc.
......
maybe i should drink... hmmmm
idk

i havent liked anyone in forever and i started to like someone.. and that got me nowhere. i feel like shit now. i can think rationally tho and know its not my fault or anything... ha.. im retarded.

Oh the dazey days

i realize how shitty of a person i am becoming. i say things that dont need to be said, things that my opinion was never asked but i say it anyways. im shitty.

i'm realizing how pathetic i am and how i probably need some help.
everything i do is pathetic.
everythinggggg. i didnt know it was possible but it is.
im pretty sure it is.

pathetic list:
i cant take good pictures anymore
i cut myself alot for stupid reasons
i cry when i think about how i dont want to live my life because...
.... i'm afraid i won't live up to how good i could be
im going to fail in life, i can just feel it. that thought has always been around. i dont understand it at all.
but i know im going to end up alone in life, patheticccccc.
i'm going to end up alone.

oh fuckin well.
i just want to get fucked up or cuddle.

i cant even cuddle with people without feeling pathetic.

FFUUCCCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!

Travel Sleeping

yeah, they all look the fuckin same. i dont really caaaare. hmpft =[

New

me as a flower

i'm not sure what i'm going to make this Blog about. i was thinking maybe i could take pictures of outfits i got from my favorite thrift store, Value Village. or maybe i could just post pictures. or maybe i'll do both. im very indecisive, you see.

my Flickr account has run out of room because i dont have a pro account and it fuckin sucks. [i am fond of curse words, mind you]

and

this is Me as Me