pattern retarded

another weak attempt last night.
it slightly scares me that i might want to stay. i like the thought of leaving. i dont like how it will be looked down upon but i like thinking about it. it makes me sad sometimes and makes me happy sometimes. hope that i might get away from all of this. all these horrible creatures and their horrible doings.

old. 7/22/2009

i'm trying to not let it bother me. i'm trying to just get over it. i'm trying to forget. i tried leaving. i'm trying but its not working.

Stupid thoughts.

My brain is still healing. I think it isnt healing correctly though. It must not be since it keeps getting all smashed up again.
When you are born, you are born with a broken brain, hence why your skull has holes (duh!). as you grow up, you brain starts to heal, everyone confuses it with 'growing up' but whatever. every time you get hurt or something bad happens, your brain gets a little mashed up again. bits of the hard brain from when you were almost healed are left, which is why going thru hard times makes you smarter/braver... or it just breaks you completely. breaks you so bad your brain can never heal.

so
my girlfriend got drunk and made out with some girl and it's bothering me now.
i know it's nothing personal but i'm making it personal.
she cant handle my depression. the thing that consumes my mind the most. she cant deal with it. i dont blame her. i would get out.

i dont know why i'm getting worse. maybe because i think about it too much, maybe its the people involvement, maybe maybe maybe.