Does anyone else turn their radio up all the way in their car
and scream bloody murder?
In hopes it makes them feel better

Does anyone else get incredibly sad when
watching a mother and her infant play
at a park on a beautiful day?

Does anyone else get caught in a deep depresssion
when there is too much beauty around them?

I feel like I’m losing my slightly intact mind.
They told me I’m growing up and the people
I’m around aren’t, which would make a person
feel out of place, like they are the rude
one.

yes....
it is back.

Hello self

it seems you may have to prepare yourself for another round of DEPRESSION
NIGHT ATTACKS
MOOD SWINGS
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
CHAIN SMOKING
NOT DOING SCHOOL WORK
BEING LAZY
HATING YOUR BODY

if the cutting urges come back, dont worry!
you have plenty of blood and skin to spare!

and crying? PSHH!! you are 70% water, bitch!

tired of being other people down? you know how to fix it.

and i will stop here before i cry.

to be cotinued

i hate myself
i hate yself
i hhaaattteeee mmmyyyyssseeelllffff

why am i crying?
i had such a good day. why does this happen?
why do i make this happen?
i always think and then i always start.
why do i feel the need to feel like SHIT?!?!?

WHY AM I SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT!?!?!?!?!?!!??!

Hey
Do you:
Remember when you made out with me while your girlfriend was in the other room?
Remember when I was fucked up and …. Well I’d rather not talk about it.
Remember when I puked on you? That was classic.
Remember that time when we would always hang out and the day we didn’t, you cheated on me?
Remember when you cheated on your girlfriend with me but it was okay because she cheated on you too?
Remember how close we were? Yeah, me neither.
Remember half of the times we were together?
Remember what it’s like without her?
Remember when i visited you, 5 hours away, and how we fucked and how 2 weeks later you told me you had a girlfriend?
Remember all those things we talked about when I was fucked up? I don’t.
Remember that time I laughed at you while we were fucking?
Remember when I was so desprate that I almost would have fucked you?
Remember when you choked your girlfriend during sex and she didn’t like it?
Remember those bruises you had when that little girl ghost attacked you? I still wonder about that.
Remember how much I liked you and how bad you crushed me?
Remember when you wanted things other than sex?
Remember how you would bleed?
Remember how I threw everything at you because you wouldn’t cheat on her?
Remember all the times I would get really upset over ‘nothing’ ?
Remember how I found out you liked me?
Remember when we were actually close friends who didn’t talk horrible amounts of shit behind each others’ back?
Remember when you actually didn’t want to see her?
Remember?
Remember…….?

Brain update

it's been awhile.

i guess i'm not doing very well, im not evn really sure right now.
This has never happened before, i've never been so mean to you (in my head) and so annoyed by you. what is going on? why is this happening? it's very.. not good.

i deleted your number, finally, the other night. it was a good move on my part.
i should probably delete some others from my phone but your absense will be fine for now.

everyone annoys me alot and disgusts me alot.

i think i bore everyone i know. horrible thoughts go thru my head a lot and i get controllably sad (i cant spell, i dont feel like fuckin spell checking right now either so fuck it!)and i dont talk.
i talk a lot less than i use to. a lottttt less. enough that i can tell. it's not like i even use to talk alot.
i cant kill myself, i dont even feel motivation to, not even sure if you need motivation to do that.

i guess i'm done with this post. it's nothing like i wanted it to be but thats how it always is

brain Update

I've been dating Sam since 9/16 and it's been goin pretty gewd.
my brain is pretty stable.
sometimes i feel like im walking on ice but usually im stable.

im not as high as i would like to be. fuck it.